


I Don't Believe In Fate

by Vulpeculia



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Big Brother Gabriel, Blind Castiel, Castiel & Sam Winchester Friendship, Greek Mythology - Freeform, Hurt Castiel, Injured Castiel, M/M, Married Castiel/Dean Winchester, Missing Castiel, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Team Free Will, The Three Fates, Worried Dean, Worried Sam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-02-21 22:29:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13153335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vulpeculia/pseuds/Vulpeculia
Summary: When Castiel leaves on a mission to help Gabriel, neither Winchester is included or are even told what it is. When Gabriel shows up with an injured Castiel, they all need to go on a mission with Greek roots to be able to restore Cas's eyesight and his powers as an angel. If only Cas would allow others to help.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first fanfiction that I've written. You will probably be able to tell that from the beginning. I really hope you try to enjoy the story that I'm trying to tell and hopefully I'll grow as a writer to provide better structure as the story progresses

Dean sighed as he saw Cas zip up the duffel bag filled with different textbooks, a few weapons, about 15 types of herbs, a weirdly shaped rock and a phone charger with a pair of headphones. Cas dropped it to the floor with a soft thud that Dean was sure came from the rock.

 

“Everything will be fine Dean” assured Cas as he came forward and held Dean tightly Dean nodded as he wrapped his arms tightly around the angel

 

“Any mission that requires this many angels, when there is already an archangel in the game board seems pretty dangerous to me Cas” murmured Dean feeling fear try to crawl its way into his heart again.

 

He used to able to make it go away with Cas’s many assurances that it was just a precaution and more of a fear tactic more than anything, but now that Cas was actually leaving, it came back with twice as much force. “Just a precaution Dean” reminded Cas. Dean nodded and pulled back, but didn’t let go of Cas’s right shoulder he brought a finger up to his face trying to make his face as stern as he could with fear threatening to choke him from the inside. “You call me everyday, you hear me?” warned Dean his voice rough. Cas nodded seriously “You know I will Dean” assured Cas. Dean nodded satisfied.

 

He could hear footsteps approaching that he knew were Sam’s so he grabbed the lapels of Cas’s trench coat and brought their lips together. It was rough and passionate at first, but soon turned gentle and loving, it was a goodbye.

 

Dean pulled back and beamed at Cas as Sam walked in. “All ready Cas?” he asked and Cas smiled at Dean before turning to look at Sam “Ready Sam” he confirmed, Sam nodded his face serious. “Be careful” he cautioned and Cas nodded seriously “I will.” Cas turned towards Dean again and smiled once more.

 

“I’ll be back soon Dean” he promised as he bent down to grab the duffel bag and was soon gone as he disappeared with the sound of wing beats. “You know what makes me more nervous than anything?” wondered Sam as he sat down on the table looking at Dean who had dropped the smile.

 

“We don’t know what the mission is” finished Dean. “Or why they need so many angels to do it” confirmed Sam nodding. Dean sighed, angels weren’t dramatic beings, if there were so many it was because they were needed. Dean just hoped he wouldn’t be a widow so soon after the wedding.

 

A shudder went thru his body just thinking about it.

ONE MONTH LATER

Dean sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. He could feel his hand shake lightly with the frustration that he was feeling.

 

He had just ended a conversation with his mother that hadn’t ended well.

 

He could still remember his mother's words how she had claimed that he wasn’t a child. That made Dean want to laugh, he never was a child, because of the deal that his mother had made, he didn’t get the privilege to have toy cars, or to play hide and seek.

 

Instead he got a shotgun and he got to hide from monsters because the alternative wasn’t being caught and losing the game, it was receiving cuts on his body that required stitches with John scolding at him telling him to be a soldier and to stop crying that it was his own damn fault for not being fast enough and it was having an early death.

 

A part of Dean had always believed that his mother would make things right. That if his mom had been there she would have protected him and that he and Sam would have had a normal childhood with him teasing Sam about his first crush.

 

But that wasn’t what happened, Mary had died. His mom died and he grew up as a hunter and Dean knew, that if he had a chance to go back and change things he wouldn’t, because he wouldn’t have met Cas if he hadn’t gone thru all that crap.

 

Castiel made it all worth it for him. The pain, the heartbreak, and the suffering. Castiel who wasn’t here right now and was now missing.

 

Dean slammed his fist against the table as he felt the panic that stayed with him since Cas disappeared come back with a new intensity.

 

Cas had left a month ago and missed his check in three weeks ago. He hasn’t responded to a call or a text since. Two weeks ago Sam had tried tracking the phone to no avail and Dean wanted nothing more than to get in the impala and go and try to find Cas himself and yell at him, that every night, meant every single time the sun went down and the moon went up, it meant every twenty-four hours. He wasn’t sure what every night meant for Cas, but it sure as hell does not signify no contact for three weeks.

 

“Hey, you’re ok?” asked Sam as he saw Dean’s hand in a tight fist as he sat in the library “yeah” murmured Dean as he stood up to go get a beer.

 

When he came back he saw Sam had gotten out a book, but as soon as Dean sat down across from him, his brother looked up and looked at him with doubt clear in his eyes. “Cas call yet?” he asked and he noticed how Dean tensed up again. “No, not yet” he answered his voice gruff, “I’m sure he’s fine” encouraged Sam. Dean snorted when he saw his worry reflected in his brother's eyes.“He damn well better be” answered Dean as he took a sip of the beer and relinquished as the bitter drink slid down his throat pleasantly, but his heart was still tight with worry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is still missing and Dean is getting more worried everyday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's another chapter in which we see Dean getting more worried over Cas. Hopefully in the next chapter Cas will finally arrive at the bunker.

 

Another week passed and Cas had been gone for one one month and one week to the date and for one month he was been radio silent. Day by day little by little Dean was losing his mind. He was calling Cas seven to ten times a day now. He could feel his body shaking with the desire to do something, to know something so he could go and look for Cas, but there was nothing. 

He and Sam would go on small cases, but it was an unspoken agreement that they wouldn’t take too long or that they wouldn’t be very far, just in case they received a call or Cas appeared back in the bunker. 

Everytime that they would come back with a ghost burned or a nest of vampires decapitated, or a werewolf killed. Dean would feel anxiety every single time that he would turn off the impala and practically run to the door. Hoping to find Cas sitting in the map table, ready to explain to Dean that his phone had been lost, or that he had broken it, and that the mission was finally finished and that he didn’t even have a scratch to show for it. 

Every time that Dean walked in and he saw the bunker empty he felt something in him shatter. Little by little he felt himself deflate and the excitement would be replaced with fear with such an intensity that Dean would have to take several shots of whisky to try and calm it down. 

So when they weren’t out in a hunt and he wasn’t calling his missing husband, or drinking himself stupid, he was working in the impala trying to fix every single error that he could find. If she had a speck of dirt, it was necessary that he wash all of it. Inside and out. Even he had to admit that it was obsessive behavior.

He wouldn’t do any research for a case without thinking that it would be time better spent doing research on Cas, but he didn’t know where to start with that. Every day in the morning, in the afternoon and at night, both brothers would watch the news, waiting for a sign that something supernatural, something that had to do with angles happened, and every night the Winchester pair would go to bed disappointed because there was nothing out of the ordinary in the news. Besides the a few cases, there was nothing out of the ordinary in the internet either. 

Even the cases began and ended its weirdness as soon as the monster was killed. There was no proof that something bigger was happening.  When it became two months since Cas disappeared Dean began praying. 

He prayed to Cas daily in small ways, even more times than he thought originally. Cas had told him that every time that he muttered his name he could hear him, like a connection being opened. Dean remembers asking him if every time anyone ever said his name, they would be connected. Dean had thought that was a serious question, but all he got was an eye roll. “No Dean” he answered exasperated “It’s usually just with you, very few times with Sam unless it’s a direct prayer, usually because you imagine me next to you and you speak as if I were there and I could answer back, it’s sort of a conversation between prayer.” Dean had nodded understanding. 

Since then Dean would talk to Cas softly over different things. Simple things “The weather is nice outside isn’t it Cas?” he would murmur to himself whenever he would walk outside or would comment on how great the pie was. He would tell him about some fields that he saw that were covered with flowers and bees. Dean smiled as he remembered that he received a text from Cas asking him to take a picture of it. 

Dean had stopped the impala to take a picture and send it to Cas and had dared Sam to make a comment, but Sam had just smiled and had shaken his head fondly. 

As time went on the prayers became serious. 

Dean believed that the more focus Dean placed into his prayer, the more Cas would be able to listen. He would close the door to his room and he would get on his knees he would even place his elbows on the bed with his hands in prayer position. Part of him felt ridiculous, but the other part of him wanted to see Cas and wanted to know that Cas was ok. If praying like a little kid ready to receive his first communion is what Cas needed to hear Dean then that it what Dean would do every single night until Cas came back. 

The prayers began simple telling Cas about his day, he would tell him that he missed him and his commentary on the movies that they watched He would tell him that there was now a lot of leftover coffee because Cas always drank caffeine like a maniac and pouring it down always hurt because it served to prove that Cas wasn’t there and the next day both brothers would pour the same amount just in case Cas came back that day. 

The prayers would end with Dean begging Cas to come home, to at least give him a goddamned sign that he was still alive, and even Dean had to try to convince himself that the moisture in his eyes was because he was tired, and not because he could feel pure grief and pure desperation at not knowing where Cas was and when he was coming back. 

Because he had to be alive and he had to come back. 

There were dark nights when he could feel the fear that Cas wasn’t going to come back because he was dead on days he couldn’t fall asleep because every time he closed his eyes he saw black wing shaped stains on the floor. When he could sleep he would see Sam running into his room with tears in his eyes telling him tells him that Cas was dead and that the angels had brought his body home. Dean could see himself running to the library where he would see Cas’s body limp on the map table with his arm hanging lifeless by his side. On those nights Dean would wake up with his heart pumping with adrenaline and he could swear it was going to stop any second if the fact that he couldn’t breathe was any indication. 

He would wipe his eyes and his cheeks and there was no denying that he had been crying. He would get out of bed and would walk towards the kitchen where they kept the liquor and would take a bottle of whiskey not even bothering to grab a glass, and would drink straight from the bottle to get himself so drunk that when he fell asleep there were no nightmares to wake him up.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel finally makes an appearance with Cas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally get to see Cas! Hopefully Dean is staying in character, I don't want him to come across as too needy, but I did want to show how much Dean misses Cas. Hopefully I found a balance between his original character and his love for the angel, but do tell me if he does not seem in character. I also want Sam and Cas to have a strong frienship in this story, but Sam does understand that Dean in the one that misses him more, so do tell me if Sam seems too detached.

“Dean..” began Sam as he saw his brother drag himself into a chair with a beer in hand, there were dark circles under his eyes and Sam didn’t even have to ask to know that his brother hadn’t been able to get any sleep

“He’s been gone two months Dean, we knew the mission was going to take some time” he said softly. Dean looked up and saw how red his eyes were which came from hours crying.

“Yeah” he nodded “However, I also told him to call me every single day and I haven’t had a call from him in a month and three weeks, so either his phone exploded and he’s in the middle of a dessert which wouldn’t be a good enough reason because he can fly and could probably go to Italy to call me and go back to his mission in an hour, so either he’s dead” his voice cracked and he shook his head as if trying to clear the thought “He’s injured, or he really is focused on the mission and he better bring a kick ass souvenir if that’s going to be his excuse” he muttered the last part with a swing to his beer.

Sam sighed, but he gave up trying to get Dean to stop drinking. As long as Cas was missing, Dean would continue to drink as if there was no tomorrow.

As much as Sam wanted to comfort Dean and tell him that everything was alright with Cas, even he was starting to worry. He knew that he had to stay calm and try to keep the faith that everything was alright.

It was a rule that never failed them before. If one brother was losing their mind with worry the other had to stay calm and be a calming presence for the other. As much as Sam cared about Cas, it couldn’t compare to the love, worry, fear and absolute panic that Dean would be feeling.

Sam had tried to do his own research, as much as Dean was helping he would either stomp away in anger at not finding anything or would get drunk enough that he would start rambling and wouldn’t get much done.

Sam would go to his bedroom and take his laptop with him and try to find something that could tell them what happened. He even thought about summoning an angel now that Cas was working with his own garrison again, but he knew that Dean still didn’t trust them especially after what happened at their wedding. Sam winced just thinking about it. He knew that there were no magic words that would suddenly calm his brother down, so he stayed quiet.

Eventually Sam stood up heading towards the bookshelves and took out a book trying to see if there was anything in the angel lore on what they could use to find a missing angel. Sam’s mouth turned down as he remembered his failed results at his summoning yesterday. He had tried an angel summoning spell every night after Dean would head to his room in the hopes of getting some alcohol induced sleep. He would head down to the dungeon gather the ingredients and perform the spell as it has been written and yet. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

  
Now Sam wanted to know why it didn’t work. Either the angel was too far away. Maybe Cas wasn’t even in this time period or this galaxy. Or maybe Cas was dead. He could feel vile at the back of his throat just thinking of what would happen to Dean. After getting a thick book with a red worn out spine Sam headed out to the table where he saw Dean stand up sharply and slam the beer bottle on the table and walk away without a word. If Cas truly was dead, Sam knew his brother wouldn’t survive it.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dean opened his eyes sluggishly. It had been more than two months since he had last heard from Cas. He was getting desperate, but they had promised themselves that unless they knew for certain that something was wrong neither would do something reckless and stupid until after three months. It didn’t make waking up and getting up any easier in the morning.

Dean let his eyes try to adjust to the light in his bedroom, He felt the constant stabbing in his head from the headache that came from the alcohol. Dean sat up stiffly and he looked down at his hand trailing his fingers along the silver wedding band. Dean saw the small trail of blue run thru it. Cas’s grace. It was there when they got married. Cas had given Dean a part of himself to always have with him, Dean would feel his hand fill with a familiar sense of warmth whenever the grace was in close proximity to his owner. Whenever Cas held his hand, Dean could feel that warmth spread all over his body, to the very core of his soul. Dean closed his eyes and took in a shaky breath. He was starting to feel empty, like if there was a part of him missing.

“DEAN” screamed Sam, his voice carrying panic all thru the bunker. Dean sat up his heart hammering in his chest. Dean stood up quickly and felt himself stumble and cursed himself for not being prepared. He didn’t even have a weapon in his hand. He ran out the door his mind screaming at him to get his hands on a gun, but another part of him knew that he didn’t need a gun, he just needed to get to Sam and whatever had him screaming with so much fear and desperation.

All thoughts about his sore body and his headache left his body and instead focused on what was in front of him when he almost ran into Sam as he raced towards the library.

He stopped suddenly his breath leaving his lungs and his stomach dropping to his knees when he saw why Sam had screamed.

Gabriel was standing in the middle of the library with his clothes in shreds, there was a cut in his cheek and his posture was stiff showing that he was exhausted and in a bit of pain, but Dean could see that the cut was starting to slow down its bleeding and his black jeans were beginning to mend itself, but that was all subconscious and insignificant, because his main focus and priority was the man that Gabriel was carrying.

  
Dean felt a lump in his throat as he saw Cas’s unconscious body in Gabriel’s arms. There was a cut in his forehead that connected with his hairline and left his hair sticky with blood. There were dark almost black bruises in his uncovered arms. Dean could see Cas’s trench coat swung over Gabriel’s shoulder. His body seemed to be hanging from Gabriel’s from exhaustion, but Dean could see a hand clutching onto Gabriel’s shirt. His skin was deathly pale, with dark shadows under his eyes, his clothes were torn even more than Gabriel’s and there were bloodstains all over them, but Dean could tell that besides the one in his face, the blood was old and his skin was mended. Besides the fact that he looked utterly worn out, there didn’t seem to be much wrong with him.

That did nothing to calm Dean down especially when he saw that look on Gabriel’s eyes, that showed raw fear and pain in them.”Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to help me, Dean Winchester?” snapped Gabriel. Full names. Shit. That seemed to break the spell that both brothers had been under and they both scrambled forward.

Dean reached for Cas and Gabriel shook his head “Where’s your bedroom?” he asked instead. Gabriel was obviously weak and tired himself, but he wanted to know that his brother was ok and if he couldn’t know yet, he wanted to have his brother close and needed to know that there was something he could do.

Dean understood and nodded his head as he gestured for Gabriel to follow him. Dean felt his arms empty as he walked since he wanted to be the one to hold Cas in his arms, but he also knew from experience with Sam that older brothers had the urge to protect their younger siblings, but Cas was his husband for heaven’s sake. He even got married formally in the eyes of Chuck.

Dean opened the door to his bedroom and winced in shame as he saw his brother and the angel look at the mess that was in his room empty beer bottles over the floor and the dresser. There was dirty and clean clothes all scattered on the ground and on the bed, but right now that didn’t matter, not much at least. Dean saw Gabriel lay Cas down softly on the bed carefully he sat down on the edge of the bed. Dean released a slow and shaky breath. He was here. Cas was here and he looked ok, he was sleeping, but Dean was hoping that he just needed gain his energy back.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small bit of Gabriel and Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't published anything because I've been writing trying to figure out how I'm going to continue with the story. I did write two versions, in the first one, the beginning is mostly character interactions, the brothers worry about Cas along with Gabriel. Cas is written as being vulnerable with losing his sight and it does talk more about Dean's and Cas's relationship and there's a bit of married destiel fluff. In the second version it is headed straight towards the mission and Cas is sill kind, but does act more like a soldier, he's strong and doesn't let it affect it too much and is trying to be independent. That will make the story a lot shorter, but I do want to know what you guys would like, so please leave a comment of what version you will prefer. This chapter is mostly a fill in so both sides can still work.

Gabriel looked away from Cas to look around Dean’s room disapprovingly. Before Dean could tell him to shut it, he waved his hand and cleared the mess. Dean glared at Gabriel “I could have done that” he snapped. Gabriel stared back at Dean his eyes were cold, and Dean swallowed thickly.

Gabriel didn’t look like the usual carefree trickster. He looked firm and unyielding, cold, and deadly.

To anyone else he looked to have complete confidence in his actions, but that fear was still there. The fear that an older brother always got when there was something wrong with their younger sibling.The fear that something was going on with his brother.

“Cas needs the bunker to be orderly, especially this room” he snapped impatiently.

Dean stared at Gabriel, what was that supposed to mean? “What’s going on Gabriel?” he asked carefully, Gabriel turned away. “Unless you want me to go around and clean the whole bunker and look through your private belongings, you and your brother need to go and clean it up” he commanded as he turned towards Cas.

Dean could see that Gabriel’s clothes were still dirty and torned up and he made no move to fix them. Instead Gabriel walked towards Cas and placed two careful fingers on his forehead. Dean watched in anticipation as the bruises and the cuts disappeared, even his hair was now clean. Dean kept waiting for Cas to wake up so they could have a proper reunion, but that didn’t seem to be the case. Cas continued to lay unresponsive in bed. Dean could feel the uncertainty and desperation begin to rise in him, along with the raw panic of not knowing what to do. He had a feeling of hopelessness and fear that Cas could have been in pain and dying and Dean couldn’t do anything to get to him and wouldn’t even know if Cas was captured.

For all Dean knew Cas could have been dead.

All those feelings came back rushing in all at once and led to Dean placing himself between Gabriel and Cas which was a bit difficult to do with Gabriel leaning over Cas, but he brought the archangel up to his feet, holding onto his coat and slamming him against the wall.

A part of Dean knew that this was extensive, he knew that he could trust Gabriel. Correction. He wanted to know that he could trust Gabriel, but the person that trusted blindly in the archangel was currently unconscious.

“I’m going to ask again,” he threatened “What is going on Gabriel?” Dean could feel what little patience he possessed start to slip away. Gabriel stared at Dean his eyes cold “You need to leave” he answered instead.

Dean snapped as he threw him against the wall.

  
He knew that Gabriel was allowing Dean to treat him like this. Gabriel was an archangel he could turn Dean to dust if that was what he wanted. Gabriel pushed down Dean’s arms holding him down, he looked at Dean straight in the eye, his voice showing that there would be no argument “I need to wake up Castiel, I need to talk to him and then you can come in, We’ll tell you everything” he answered.

Dean balled his hands into fists as began to yell out “He was GONE Gabriel” he felt a part of him ache with the knowledge that even thought Cas was here in the bunker, Dean didn’t know what was wrong. “He wouldn’t answer my calls, no communication, no explanation ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR THREE WEEKS” he screamed “and then you show up and ask me to leave while you talk to him and you still won’t tell me what’s going on?” he was seething with anger and worry by the end of it.

Dean could see Sam shift his posture and Dean stared at Sam, wondering how he could have forgotten that his brother had been in the room at all. Sam had been quiet thru all of this just looking at Cas with concern in his eyes trying to see any difference or even see if he could detect any change.

Gabriel stood up and walked towards Dean, there was nothing friendly about him now, he looked strong and powerful and suddenly very angry. “Fine. There’s some bad news, but do you want to hear them from me, or do you want to hear them from him?” he sneered “Is he ok? No he’s not” he snapped “Now” he stepped closer towards Dean his gaze never wavering “Get out, while I talk to him so he can tell you what is going on” he said softly, but Dean could practically feel the electricity that came with that comment that will probably roast him alive.

That wasn’t what terrified Dean, He was practically in every angel’s death list, the words ‘bad news’ and ‘something wrong with him’ were turning around in his head and Dean wanted nothing more than to wake Castiel up himself, but it seemed that there was no way that he was talking to Castiel before Gabriel. He nodded reluctantly and turned towards the door, but looked back at Gabriel coldly “you get 20 minutes before I come back in here” he threatened and Gabriel nodded before Dean walked out of the room with Sam following reluctantly, Gabriel closed the door behind them with the sound of a lock shutting them out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave a comment of what version of the story you will prefer


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cringed reading how I wrote Cas in the original copy. I made him too vulnerable and weak, that didn't seem like him. However, I did write fluff and Cas a bit more open about his feelings and his fears in the next chapter when he's with Dean, I do imagine that if Dean and Cas would get together they would only be open about their emotions with each other.

Gabriel shook his head again trying to focus his attention wholly on his brother who was still silent and in deep sleep. He focused on his grace and tried to reach across to see how Cas’s was. It was a small whisper of his original grace. Gabriel cursed the fates for the hundredth time that day. The grace kept exhausting itself as it tried to heal Cas’s true form and his vessel at the same time. 

It wasn’t changing anything, the only thing it was doing was wasting what little energy he had left. Gabriel sighed and realized that there really was no reason to delay this any further, he truly considered getting Dean to provide the emotional comfort his bro needed and then he could come back when Cas was a badass angel again. Gabriel felt a feeling in his stomach that made it feel heavy, it felt something like guilt and… shame. He couldn’t be sure. He had never really felt either of those before. “You idiot” murmured Gabriel, silently telling his dad that if there was a time for him to end his sweet vacation with his sister of all people, Ew, It was now. He waited. Nothing. No surprise. 

Gabriel groaned and before he had a chance to walk out and leave a fruit basket instead he reached over and placed two fingers of the top of Castiel’s head and closed his eyes removing the layer of sleep that he had placed his brother in as they left the cave that they had been in and healing the little he could, cleaning the blood and leaving no trace of cuts or bruises. 

Gabriel could see Cas’s grace brighten up at finally being allowed to awaken and Gabriel’s heart clenched as he heard the familiar almost childlike sound that the grace made as Gabriel’s wrapped itself around it. Gabriel rolled his eyes as serious as Cas acted, he was still a child inside. His smile quickly fell as he saw Cas’s eyes flutter. Trying to shake off the sleep. 

This was it. 

Gabriel took a deep breath and released it slowly, he had to be strong for his brother. 

Gabriel was staring intently at Cas as he opened his eyes.

There’s a saying among humans that they can see when the illusion breaks. They can hear the glass breaking as they see the disappointment and the pain in the eyes of the person that they tried to protect. Only to see that their protection was actually worthless because they were still able to feel that pain only that it was multiplied because they were lied to. 

He sees his brother blink his eyes slowly. “Gabriel” he whispered and his grace seemed to tighten in its hold around Gabriel’s “I’m here” he said softly and he wondered if he should grab his hand. He wasn’t sure if it would offer comfort or if it would only frighten him more. 

Gabriel decided to keep his hands to himself. It wasn’t as if comfort alone would bring his brother his sight back. “We’re trapped Gabriel” murmured Castiel his tone even and his volume soft. Gabriel swallowed thickly. His brother was a soldier and it wasn’t a surprise that his first assumption would be that he was trapped and simply wasn’t allowed to see “No” answered Gabriel evenly. “We got out” he offered. And there it was. The glass breaking. The moment when he remembered. He could feel his grace jump from the impact of all the memories crashing into him. “Oh” he answered softly “I can’t see” he said matter of factly. 

Gabriel felt his mouth fall open. That was it. ‘I can’t see’ he had just lost his eye sight and he said it with the same tone as if he had just lost a freaking pen. “No you can’t” answered Gabriel his voice a higher pitch than it was used to. “Where are we?” asked Cas as he began to feel around him and Gabriel stepped forward and grabbed his brothers arms and helped him sit up. “In your room” he offered, “Dean” breathed out Cas, Gabriel rolled his eyes and NO he was not smiling at the tone of pure relief in his brother’s voice. 

Gabriel smiled even wider as he recalled Dean’s reaction at seeing both of them. “I wouldn’t be so relieved just yet bro, Dean is here and he is pissed that you didn’t tuck him in goodnight”. Gabriel saw as Cas’s face fell and his smile was replaced with a crease in his forehead, even his grace was restless.

In the other end of the bunker Gabriel could hear Dean get up from the table with Sam following him and walking quickly to his bedroom as the twenty minutes were up. “Guess who’s on his way” sang Gabriel as he began to walk around the room “Dean” groaned Cas. “Castiel” called Dean as he approached his bedroom. Gabriel could see Cas’s face pale that had nothing to do with his weakened state. Gabriel laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I'll post the next chapter later tonight or tomorrow


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finally talks to Cas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive all of the grammar and punctuation mistakes that this has. I've been placing school first, but tonight I placed this story before the piles of homework, which will probably grant me an F on my physics test tomorrow :/ Thanks for all the nice comments that have kept me going. I hope I don't disappoint.

Dean kept walking quickly which each step his pace would increase, and which each step his fear and excitement would build, but also strangely with each step Dean could feel his anger building.

How dare he leave him alone? How dare he not call? How dare he leave him in the dark only to arrive injured? Dean kept walking faster, they were married, they made a vow to each other when they got married in which they swore to each other, that they not only would protect the other, but they would protect themselves. After the record that Castiel had, Dean didn’t need Cas to protect him, he needed Cas to look after himself, to keep himself alive to come back to Dean healthy and uninjured. Apparently that was too much for the dumb angel to accomplish.

Dean was almost to his room when he felt Sam’s hand on his shoulder making him turn around “What?” snapped Dean, he had been looking forward to Cas being back home and brother or not, Dean wouldn’t let Sam stop him from seeing him “Dean...” Sam hesitated, he knew that his brother was angry, and Sam would be lying if he said that he didn’t feel a bit betrayed that the angel didn’t call or find a way to communicate with them.

“You need to calm down” he tried to reassure him. Trying to put as much sympathy into his voice and what he got in return was Dean rolling his eyes. “I’m not going to calm down, until I tell him exactly how much of an idiot he was by going there alone, not calling me…” Dean stopped and looked down and Sam knew that his brother was reliving the pain and anxiety he felt at being left alone in his room with no call or notice

“He’s an angel Dean, he’s more powerful than the both of us together, he wanted to protect you when he went on that mission with Gabriel” Dean looked up and his eyes were cold, but Sam could see the pain that was hidden there “He’s hurt Sam” he murmured “He’s more powerful than we could possibly contemplate, but…” Dean stopped running a hand over his face, “For me, he’s just my husband” he whispered “He’s my better half and I need to protect that half” he answered looking towards his room and Sam could feel the slight pull that Dean was feeling, he probably didn’t notice it as he unconsciously leaned out of Sam’s grasp to move towards where he knew that, that better half was.

Sam wouldn’t stand in the way between them so instead he just nodded and slowly let go. Dean nodded slightly as he turned towards his room and opened the door.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Both brothers were stunned to see the angel siblings laying in bed casually. Dean saw Cas sitting in bed with his legs crossed and his eyes closed holding that blue blanket that Dean had teased him before as being his comfort blanket and yet as much as he teased him, he always made sure to bring it with them when they went on a long hunt or handing it to him wordlessly when he saw Cas having a bad day, apparently Gabriel also knew about the comfort that it brought him as the angel was clutching it tightly with one hand and pulling at a loose string with the other.

Gabriel was sitting in front of him in the same position speaking softly and even though Dean couldn’t hear what they were talking about, he could see the small smile that was playing on Cas’s lips. For some reason, the innocent scene made Dean stop, he was ready to tear Gabriel apart, for taking Cas away from him but looking at the comfortable posture that Cas was in and seeing Gabriel smile at Cas, just showed Dean that they were both a couple of brothers.

Gabriel didn’t force Cas to go and Cas didn’t go out of duty, but instead Cas went to protect his brother and that was something that Dean could understand and according to the grin that Sam had in his face, he could too. Maybe even better than Dean, after all, both Cas and Sam were the younger sibling.

“Dean?” asked Cas as he perked up and turned his head with his eyes closed over to the direction where he knew that the door was at. And just like that, Dean could breathe, the weight that he had been hauling behind him that held his pure panic and sadness at being left behind with no form of communication besides the one-way praying was finally lifted. He closed his eyes and released a deep breath feeling the pure relief coursing thru his body “We’ll give you two some time” said Sam softly and Dean nodded, he saw Gabriel nod and stand up touching Cas’s shoulder lightly and glaring at Dean mouthing the words ‘go easy on him’ before closing the door behind both of them.

Dean didn’t know what to do first, part of him wanted to yell at him and tell him how terrified he was and the other part wanted to kiss Cas and wrap him up in that blue blanket that he was holding onto.

”Dean” repeated Cas with more desperation in his voice and just like that, Dean broke. He practically ran into the bed and held Cas’s face smiling as they leaned their foreheads together “Dammit Cas” he whispered his voice rough as he kissed him in the forehead “I was so damn terrified” he continued as he kissed him passionately on the lips feeling his heart soar when Cas began kissing him with the same amount of passion.

“I missed you” he whispered as pulled back and simply hugged Cas close to his body to feel his heartbeat to convince himself that he was truly here alive and safe, “I missed you too Dean” answered Cas as he let himself be held closely, Dean could see that he reached to touch his face… and missed, not by much, a few millimeters, but he did.

The fear and worry came crashing back into Dean because Cas wasn’t fine, he didn’t come back without scars, “Cas” he whispered, he felt out of breath out of a sudden, he still hadn’t opened his eyes, He still hadn’t looked at those blue eyes that provided a sense of safety, he hadn’t noticed before, but now he could see, a small black line over both Cas’s eyelids. Dean felt himself that he was going to vomit when he saw that they looked like burns, like charred skin.

“C’mon” he said softly laughing weakly “let me see those big blues” he whispered trying to convince himself that there was nothing wrong, but Cas hadn’t opened his eyes not even when talking to Gabriel realized Dean with a start and now he was looking down with his eyes still closed, “Cas” he begged and finally Cas looked up “I can’t” he said softly, but for Dean, it felt like a scream “You can’t” repeated Dean carefully as he saw Cas swallow thickly “I can’t see” finished Cas and Dean looked down trying to calm his racing heart and the urge to run out of the room. Blind, he was blind. He knew that there was something wrong, he knew that he shouldn’t have let Cas go alone, he knew that he needed to protect his angel or not. Cas never made the right choice, because for the angel the right choice was never to protect himself and as far as Dean knew that was the only right choice.

  
Dean could feel his anger climb, a rational part of him remembered what Sam told him about going easy on Cas and yet another part remembered the fear and the sense of abandonment and while a part of him understood the fear that Cas must be feeling the other part remembered that Cas didn’t even call him once and now all he could understand was that he was blind because of his injuries, because of his disregard of his life and by extension because of his disregard to what it would do to Dean to lose him and just like that, the anger and pain that Dean felt was bubbling to the surface and Dean pushed himself back and stared down at Cas before standing up from the bed

“You better have a damn good explanation as to why I heard nothing from you for two months ” he growled and Cas crossed his legs again and held the blanket close to him “Dean…” began Cas with a sigh, but Dean truly wasn’t in the mood for Cas to sigh as if Dean was the problem as if he was the one being unreasonable “Why didn’t I hear anything from you for so long?” He choked out and not caring about Cas’s explanation because there was no excuse for what Cas did. For leaving him in a dark place without news, with absolutely nothing to hold onto, just that dumb blue blanket that Dean had gotten used to sleeping when Cas was gone.

“I wasn’t in this universe” he snapped as he stood up, slightly losing his balance and having to hold onto the wall his body stiff as he couldn’t see what he was holding onto, Dean had to resist the urge to run over there and help him sit back down, he was so focused on Cas not losing his balance that he didn’t pay attention to his words until it had been two minutes of tense silence.

“You what?” asked Dean sure that he hadn’t heard right, Cas sighed as he moved his hand on the wall trying to follow Dean’s voice to get to him, and it took all of Dean’s willpower to stay where he was and not help him but he was angry and he had to get a decent response from Cas. “We were hunting the three fates Dean” he exclaimed as he kept taking small steps towards Dean and Dean kept staring at the pillow that was on the floor between him and Cas. Silently willing it to move, or that Cas was able to move around it, when he was sure that neither would happen he sighed as he walked softly and picked up the pillow and threw it on the bed with more force that would be strictly necessary.

Instead, he walked towards Cas and hooked his elbow with his, rolling his eyes at Cas’s sound of surprise, they both knew that he wasn’t going to let Cas struggle his way to him, he wasn’t a terrible husband, but he wasn’t totally over it yet. So he helped Cas sit down and handed him that blanket and sat next to him.

“What was stopping you from calling me?” he asked carefully and noted how Cas slumped his shoulders “I couldn’t call you from that universe Dean because you didn’t exist in that universe and there were no such things as cellphones” he murmured as he carefully leaned back “no service” exclaimed Dean bringing his arms up “That’s your excuse?” it was the lamest excuse in the book “I couldn’t keep going from one universe to the next because it takes too much energy. We had a mission Dean and it had to be done correctly” continued Cas and Dean felt something in him snap. “I don’t care about the mission” he sneered as he stood up “I would rather the whole world burn around my feet than lose my husband when will you get that?” he snapped as he began pacing the room resisting the urge to throw the lamp on the floor

“I get that” murmured Cas and Dean turned to him fire in his eyes “Do you? Because it doesn’t seem like it” Dean knew that if Cas had his eyes open we would have the audacity to roll his eyes “I do, but I also care about you and that means protecting the world that you belong in” he emphasized and this time Dean rolled his eyes, he turned around as he felt his anger build. He was sure that he was going to let it all out, he was going to explode and Cas was going to get all of it and he was going to make him feel the pain and the desperation that he felt these last three weeks, he released a slow breath and turned around ready to unleash it all on Cas and… he couldn’t do it.

He saw that Cas had brought his feet up on the bed and had wrapped his arms around his knees still holding onto that blue blanket, his eyes were closed and he was taking short quick breaths, usually when he was feeling a strong emotion, maybe anger, or most likely sadness and with that Dean felt the anger drain away.

Instead he walk towards Cas and kneeled down on the bed. Holding his hands as he saw Cas bring his legs down, Dean carefully leaned forwards as he kissed Cas’s forehead and later went for the lips “I love you” he whispered instead showing his joy at seeing him alive “I love you” he continued showing the sadness and fear when he was gone “I love you” he said softly as he kissed him again with the promise of helping him thru this new challenge, he was going to help him get his sight back and until then, Dean was going to be his eyes for him.

“I do too” whispered Cas as he leaned his head into Dean’s chest and Dean rolled his eyes, but wrapped his hands around him feeling his chest flutter, Cas was finally home which meant that Dean finally had peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment if there are things that you liked or that you didn't like. I would love to get the feedback!


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